Speaking from personal experience, it can be super difficult to plan an LGBTQ+ wedding. My wife and I got married several years ago, and looking back, there are so many things I wish I’d known about LGBTQ+ wedding planning. From struggling to find vendors to deciding who to invite, we were met with setbacks during almost every part of the wedding planning process.
So if you just got engaged, or you’re planning an LGBTQ+ wedding, I hope this guide will help you out! Even if it doesn’t feel like it sometimes, there are so many people in the wedding industry that are inclusive and want to help you along the way!
1.) The wedding industry is still very problematic
Nothing crushes your “I just got engaged” bliss faster than realizing that the vast majority of the wedding industry consists of cis-gender, thin, white, straight couples. It’s awful to feel like your love isn’t as valid or worthy of celebration as the love stories being portrayed on social media. Unfortunately, the wedding industry still has a long way to go in terms of diversity and inclusivity but there are many ways to make this a more positive, safe and affirming process for you!
2.) How to find LGBTQ+ inclusive vendors
I would be lying if I said, finding wedding vendors wasn’t incredibly discouraging for me and my wife during our planning process. We went to wedding shows, searched all the wedding magazines, and searched high and low on google all to realize that there was virtually no one we felt 100% comfortable reaching out to. Every single contact form felt like having to come out all over again to complete strangers. While my experience planning my own wedding was discouraging, here are some tips I’ve picked up since then would have saved a lot of time and frustration.
- Check LGBTQ+ wedding vendor registries, blogs, and publications to find inclusive vendors in your area! There are so many good ones, like EquallyWed, Rainbow Wedding Network, and Dancing With Them. If you’re local to Oklahoma, we also have the Oklahoma Rainbow Collective & B.E Wed Oklahoma.
- If you’re not sure, browse vendors’ images. Queer representation should be very visible on their website & social media.
- Look for inclusive language on their websites and socials. Are they only using gendered terms, like bride & groom, when addressing potential clients instead of gender neutral terms like couple, partner, marriers, etc? Are they asking for pronouns and including theirs?
- Ask other LGBTQ+ affirming vendors for recommendations! We likely know other vendors who are also part of the community, or are affirming allies, and will happily refer you to them.
3.) Your Supportive Guest List
I am a big believer that your guest list should focus on including the people who are there to support and celebrate your marriage. Choosing to focus on inviting those special and loving people will not only help with narrowing down your guest list but more importantly will make you and your partner feel more comfortable and safe on your special day. Feeling safe is the bare minimum you should both feel on your wedding day, and everyone invited should encourage that as well.
4.) Wedding Traditions Should Feel Right for You
There are so many unique situations and dynamics when it comes to LGBTQ+ wedding planning, which is one of my favorite things about being a LGBTQ+ wedding photographer. Most (if not all) traditional aspects of weddings are rooted in heternormity, and many LGBTQ+ couples don’t feel comfortable including them. It’s okay to throw away traditions if they don’t fit or feel right to you and your partner. Here are some nontraditional things you can incorporate into your LGBTQ+ wedding. This is certainly not a comprehensive list, but hopefully it’ll help you get creative in your planning process!
- Have a friend or family member officiate your wedding instead of a religious officiant
- Walk down the aisle together, or walk on opposite sides and meet in the middle
- Get ready together
5.) You DO belong in the wedding world
No matter what anyone says, family, friend, vendor, or otherwise, I want to remind you that you DO belong in the wedding world. Your marriage is worthy of love and celebration. As we continue to push the boundaries of the heternormative wedding industry, couples like you are inspiring hope, change, and increased visibility for the LGBTQ+ community. Use your supportive family and friends for moral support when you need to, and remember that you are not alone in this!
